I was not raised as a mushy person. Emotional intimacy was a hard thing to learn for me. Communicating feelings, talking about things that made us sad or emotional was almost unheard of.
We talked about issues we had, but in a very “rub some dirt on it” type manner.
So when it came to matters of the heart, sensitive topics were sometimes awkward or avoided.
Learning to Communicate
After Ashton and had I started dating, I realized having someone to express my feelings to. He hold’s me accountable, and having someone to hold my hand through hard times was something that I really needed.
Building Trust with Ashton through the years as both friends and being in an intimate relationship with each other. I learned that telling him how I felt about things and why I felt the way I did had helped me connect with him better.
Letting my thoughts and reasoning behind things be known to him made it easier for me to see things without blinders on.
Your feelings are valid.
Having this intimacy with him also helped me to open up in my other relationships, with my family especially.
It is a very important thing to know that it is okay to cry, to not always need to be tough, and to feel everything.
Knowing that our feelings are valid is SO important. While that doesn’t mean that it’s right for me to react in an emotional manner, how I treat other when I feel this is whats important. It’s OKAY that I feel angry or sad or happy or restless, and I need to acknowledge that is the way that I feel.
Our college leader, who we had gone through pre-marital counseling with, put it this way:
If I feel angry and upset about something and it is affecting me, I need to tell Ashton,
“Hey, I’m angry and this is affecting me. That is not your fault, that is just the way I feel right now.”
Addressing the feeling is the first step to figuring out why you feel the way you do, and letting the people who you love help and strengthen you.
Be a good listener
The other half of communication is knowing when to listen.
Just as we want to be heard and to express ourselves, when others talk and express themselves we need to learn how to really listen.
Listening is not just waiting for the other person to finish speaking without interrupting them.
Truly listening means taking in what the other person is saying, evaluating what it means to both you and them and hearing them out.
Empathizing with those you are in relationships with is very important to having a good basis of healthy communication.
Holding back frustration
Keeping feelings of pain, resentment or frustration to yourself is like drinking poison every day.
It’s just going to make you sick.
Holding feelings back can only make those feelings worse. It hurt’s you and the person you are upset with more than it maybe needed to.
I learned at a young age that when you are angry with someone, you let them know. And you fix it.
Whether that means separating yourself from that person for the betterment of both of you, or resolving the matter so that you can both put it behind you and move on together.
The Toxicity of Pent-up Feelings
That was one thing that my family has down. We love each other very much, and staying angry was never worth it. Holding things in, letting them fester inside of you is possibly one of the worst things you could do to yourself.
It hurts you emotionally and physically, and it can hurt your relationships with others, where the communication of your thoughts and problems will make your relationships healthier and stronger.
We would love to hear your thoughts, let us know how this post benefited you on your walk today.
And as always, have an awesome and healthy day!
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author of a Natural Endeavor
