Love brings us together
There are 5 basic love languages that we all show love through, and desire to be loved by. Without knowing it, we show our love to one another every day with these love languages. Children make their parents pictures to show they love them. Spouses hold hands to show their affection to one another. Siblings play video or board games together to form a bond and spend time together. We can use these love languages for a stronger marriage, and to form an unbreakable bond with our spouses.
Every day we use love languages.
How can we best use these love languages to create a stronger marriage with our spouse?
What are the 5 love languages?
There are 5 love languages outlined in the book the 5 Love Languages: the Secret to Love that lasts by Gary Chapman.
Each of these languages is a way we show others that we love them. We also have love languages that show how we desire to be shown love from others. Interesting enough, the way we show love doesn’t necessarily coincide with the way we want to be shown love.
But more on that later.
Let’s go over what each of the love languages is:
Acts of Service
Acts of service is showing someone you love them through an action. This could be doing the dishes before your husband gets home working out, so that he doesn’t have to do them. It could be cleaning the bath tub for your wife so that she can relax with a nice bath when she gets home from work.
Acts of service is serving your spouse in a way you know they will appreciate, and feel loved by.
This is a pretty obvious one, but physical touch is showing others that you love them through human connection and touch. This can be holding hands, kissing, sitting close to one another, or even just touching your spouses shoulder when you walk by them.
It means “I am here with you.”, and lets the other person know you are aware of them and love them.
This is an fun way to show love, and build memories with someone.
Quality time is dependent on what you and your spouse qualify it as. For some people, quality time needs to be a physical activity like hiking, exercising together, or taking classes together. It could also be playing video games together, seeing a movie, or baking.
Maybe its just taking a walk and catching up with how your days went.
If it builds memories and togetherness, this is quality time.
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation is telling the other person they are important to you.
This love language is showing love through verbal or written reaffirmation. Some people need to hear that they are loved, or that they are doing a good job, or that they are attractive to their spouse.
This doesn’t mean they are insecure, but is how they best feel love from someone else. It gives them the strength and confidence they desire, and makes them feel closer to their partner.
Giving gifts is a great way to show someone you love them. This is not a vanity or greed thing, but more of a “I saw this and thought of you” act.
I know that for my mom, this is definitely one of her love languages. If we make her a card or buy her something she mentioned really liking at the store, she feels very loved, and knows that we have her on our minds.
Giving gifts is about the thought for the other person.
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Using the love languages for a stronger marriage
How can we use these 5 love languages for a stronger marriage, and a happier relationship?
Figuring out your love languages together is a great way to connect with your spouse and get to know them better. No matter how long you know your husband or wife, you are always learning more about them. Take this opportunity to sit and talk about how you each feel about the 5 love languages, and see what you can do for each other that makes you feel most loved.
If you are unsure which love languages you have, you can take the love language assessment test. This simple test can help you find out which love languages you lean towards the most.
Showing your partner love the way they need it
We talked briefly earlier how we don’t always show love the way we need love.
This is not bad or unnatural.
For me, I lean toward physical touch and quality time as my two biggest love languages. This is not always how I show Ashton that I love him though.
For Ashton, I will do things like cleaning the house, doing dishes, or making sure he has time to relax when he is at home.
If I didn’t do these things, but instead used just physical touch or quality time to show him I love him, he may not receive it as well as I would.
Making sure that you meet your partners need is the best way we can use the 5 love languages for a stronger marriage. Once you take the time to learn each others love languages, you can learn to speak them to one another.