How to stop being so hard on yourself.
Taking ourselves for granted is something we all go through at one point or another.
Especially when we are teenagers and young adults, we have lots of insecurities. They way we talk can make us feel self-conscious, or how quiet (or loud) we seem.
These things are so great though, and we should celebrate the differences that we all have. Putting a positive spin on how you view your freckles, your speech impediment, your loud laugh, can mean the difference between wanting to hide and being proud of who you are. Today I want to talk about 5 truths that can help you to stop being so hard on yourself, and really start to use self-love to see yourself differently.
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Truth & Self-love.
What is the truth about you?
There are so many lies that we are bombarded with through social media, advertising, and the internet as a whole. Bra & Underwear commercials tell us we need to look a certain way to be desirable. Looking at other peoples Instagram pages tell us that our lives could be better if they looked like that too. These things are glossed over, and made to look pretty to catch our attention.
The truth about us, is that we are all just as good. We are all the same, and we each have a journey that we are figuring out.
How to stop being so hard on yourself: Find your truth about you. Write down 3 true, positive thoughts about yourself, and try not to let these things be physical. Things like, “I have a forgiving spirit, a calm mind, and a love for others.”. Find your 3 things, and post them somewhere you can see everyday.
Related content: 27 self-care tips to help calm your mind.
The thoughts and opinions others aim at you, often have nothing to do with you.
I have had a lot of experience with taking other peoples aggression personally.
At a previous job that I had, my manager would often use a negative tone when talking about everything. Everything was an inconvenience, or a disaster, and when they would talk to me about the nightly tasks that had to be done I would get discouraged. Sometimes, it would even feel like that manager thought that the problems in our dept. where all of our faults (even though that wasn’t true).
Even if I came into work with a positive attitude, they would find something to complain about that would eventually damper my mood and make me want to just go home.
After a while, I figured out that their attitude had nothing to do with me personally, and that I could stop feeding their fire.
I changed my mindset to “I wonder what is going on in their life that is making them feel this way?” instead of “I wonder what I did to make them react this way to me?”
When you realize that you are the only one who can control how you feel, you start to feel more empathy for those around you. It lets you keep a positive attitude even when those around you are putting off negativity. We need to remember that often when people snap at us, and say mean things, it usually has more to do with how they feel about themselves than how they feel about us.
How to stop being so hard on yourself: Don’t take other peoples words to heart. When someone lashes out at you, or tries to degrade you, realize it has more to do with how they feel about themselves than how they feel about you.
Related Content: How to relieve stress and anxiety.
People will push you around when they think that they can.
Establishing healthy boundaries, even with those you love is vital for a healthy relationship. There has to be mutual respect, or the relationship will fail. There may not be malicious intent, but sometimes when someone thinks they can treat others a certain way, they will do so. Even when it is unkind and uncalled for.
Make sure when this happens, that you talk with the person, and tell them how you feel about the way you are being treated.
Let them know that you are willing to repair the relationship, but that you will not be treated in an unkind manner.
If we allow this kind of behavior, it is like a poison that seeps into our minds. It pollutes the way you think about yourself, and you start to believe the lies. This is not healthy, and we cant just brush it off like its nothing. You matter as much as anyone else.
How to stop being so hard on yourself: Set healthy boundaries, and be honest with those in your life. Don’t allow yourself to be treated badly, and do no harm to others either.
Know that you will never be perfect, and be at peace with that.
“Perfect is the enemy of good.” -Voltaire
I like this quote, because it shows that perfection is not necessarily what should be desired for. Nothing in this earth is perfect. Everything has scratches, flaws, changes. Even the ocean changes. Anything good is made that way through the tough times and the imperfections, even you.
We all have those things in our pasts that we don’t like, but isn’t that what got us here in the first place?
Growth causes us to become the person we are meant to be, and that often feels painful. Learning is not an easy process, loving ourselves for who we have become is not an easy process.
Once we stop thinking of ourselves as “Not done yet.” or “Not good enough yet.” we free ourselves to love who we have become so far.
We are always learning, growing and moving. And that is a great thing! Find peace with who you are right now, and give yourself the love and care you need to grow.
How to stop being so hard on yourself: Find peace with your present self. Give yourself permission to be where you are right now, and to love the journey you have walked so far. This is your story.
Related Content: How to use healthy self-talk to change your life.
Release expectations on yourself.
I wrote a post a while back for YourZenLife.com about how to let go of expectation, and it was mostly addressed to the expectations we set for other people or outcomes in our lives. We also need to learn to let go of the expectations we set up for ourselves.
When we set expectations for ourselves, there is a fine line between healthy goals and toxic expectations.
Telling yourself, “If you don’t complete ______ by this time, then you are failing.” or “If you don’t look like this by this time, then what’s the point?”, those are extremely toxic thoughts. We need to be gentle with ourselves, as much as we would or best friend or loved one.
Placing hard and fast expectations on people (including you!) is not fair, and hurts your relationship. In this case, it hurts your relationship with yourself.